The Shallot : TelHi Neighbors Outraged Over Voight Tower ProposalNovember 11, 2008
What is “The Shallot”? It is our version of “The Onion“… smaller but just as stinky. To keep things fun we’ll be posting a Shallot entry here and there.
November 11, 2008
In a shocking turn of events, San Francisco voters in favor of Prop VT (the permanent changing of Coit Tower to Voight Tower), were granted their wish as a bundle of uncounted votes from a precinct in District 5 pushed the proposition into winning status.
“We’re positively outraged!”, exclaimed a member of the Telegraph Hill Neighbor’s Association. “It’s an absolute disgrace! Only in America could we replace a monument dedicated to firefighters with some pop television Hollywood movie star guy. I’m, I’m just speechless.”
Hollywood had a different take on the whole situation. “I’m positively elated!”, stated sitcom star George Costanza, who coincidentally owns John Voight’s car. “I can’t wait to see the finished sculpture. I’m sure it will be breathtaking. I’ll be headed up to San Fran in Voight’s car for the ribbon-cutting ceremony. After the event, I’m considering auctioning off the car on eBay to see how much I can get for it. This change of events undoubtedly adds a ton of value to my car!”
The approved project will take ~$2 million San Francisco taxpayer dollars, which would’ve normally been applied to next year’s public school budget, and applies it to the artistic sculpting of John Voight’s mug into the side of the existing Tower’s façade, using the same methods that were employed for Mount Rushmore. Tourists and neighbors will be allowed to view the sculpting process up close, which is slated to last 3 months. Upon completion, the name will be officially changed to “Voight Tower” and local economists predict that the change will bring added umph to the tower’s annual revenues.
“This is the new face of San Francisco”, stated John Voight. “I’m honored to be a part of this amazing city, and forever etched in the memory of the locals.”